Eminem - Criminal Lyrics

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[Eminem] 
A lot of people ask me.. stupid fuckin questions 
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records 
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life 
or that I believe in it 
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that.. 
I'm actually gonna do it 
or that I believe in it 
Well, shit.. if you believe that 
then I'll kill you 
You know why? 
Cuz I'm a 

CRIMINAL 
CRIMINAL 
You god damn right 
I'm a CRIMINAL 
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL 

[Eminem] 
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge 
That'll stab you in the head 
whether you're a fag or lez 
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest 
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes" 
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic 
Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!) 
That's my motherfuckin balls, you'd better let go of em 
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em 
Hey, it's me, Versace 
Whoops, somebody shot me! 
And I was just checkin the mail 
Get it? Checkin the 'male'? (clicks tongue twice) 
How many records you expectin to sell 
After your second LP sends you directly to jail? 
C'mon!-- Relax Guy, I like gay men 
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!) 
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus 
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons 
Oh, and please send me a brand new car 
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital 
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher 
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither 
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause 
I watch TV, and Comcast cable 
And you ain't able to stop these thoughts 
You can't stop me from toppin these charts 
And you can't stop me from droppin each March 
With a brand new cd for these fuckin retards 
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me 
Mr. "Don't Give A Fuck," still won't leave 

Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X) 

I'm a CRIMINAL 
Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime 
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL 
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird 
and keep goin, I don't take shit from no one 

[Eminem] 
My mother did drugs - hard liquor, cigarettes, and speed 
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed 
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she 
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me 
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed 
But how the fuck you sposed to grow up when you weren't raised? 
So as I got older and I got a lot taller 
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger 
I drink more liquor to fuck you up quicker 
Than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin the word ... 
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral 
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk 
Off of his own employee 
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me 
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired 
And my nose is pointy 
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die 
In plane crashes and laughs 
As long as it ain't happenin to him 
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em 
-inem and Kim combined - *kch* the maniac's in 
Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today 
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his place 
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face 
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place 
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thing put away 
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh? 
I'm a CRIMINAL 

[Interlude Skit] 
[Dre] Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker 
get the motherfuckin money and get the fuck up outta there 
[Em] Aight 
[Dre] I'll be right here waitin on you 
[Em] Aight 
[Dre] Yo Em 
[Em] What?! 
[Dre] Don't kill nobody this time 
[Em] Awwright... god damn, fuck... 
(whistling) how you doin'? 
[Teller] HI, how can I help you? 
[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl 
[Teller] Okay 
[Eminem] Put the fuckin money in the bag bitch 
and I won't kill you! 
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me 
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin around... 
[Teller] Don't kill me, I have two kids at home, don't kill me 
[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fuckin kill you 
Hurry the fuck up! {*BOOM*} Thank you! 

[Eminem] 
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it 
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it 
So I'll be disguised in it 
And if anybody identifies the guy in it 
I'll hide for five minutes 
Come back, shoot the eyewitness 
Then fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business 
Die bitches, bastards, brats, pets! 
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet 
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts 
Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck 
You motherfuckin chickens ain't brave enough 
To say the stuff I say, so just tape is shut 
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up 
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass 
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as 
I'ma be a fuckin rapist in a Jason mask 

(Chorus 2X)

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