"The Draft Dodger Rag" Lyrics

I'm just a typical American boy
From a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodd
And an keepin' old Castro down

And when it came my time to serve
I knew better dead than red
But when I got to my old draft board
Buddy, this is what I said

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse

Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, and I'm goin' to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant

I've got a dislocated disc and a racked up back
I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs

I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes
I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy ever came close to me
Well, I'd probably start to sneeze

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse

Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant

I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies
But I think you gotta see
That if someone's gotta go over there
That someone isn't me

So, have a ball, Sarge, watch 'em fall
Yeah, kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without any gore
Well, I'll be the first to go

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse

Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
I got to water my rubber tree plant
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse

Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant