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    "Theme Song" Lyrics

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    Louis: It seems today, that all you see is violence in movies,
    and sex on T.V.
    Peter: But where are those good old-fashioned values,
    on which we used to rely?
    Brian: It used to be, a big time star was elegant as Garbo,
    or Hedy Lamarr.
    Stewie: But now we get whores like Jenny Lopez,
    you want to curl up and die.
    Chorus: Lucky theres a Family Guy.
    Lucky theres a man who positively can do
    all the things that make us-
    Stewie: Laugh and cry!

    Chorus: He's a Family Guy!

    Louis: When I was young, the songs were fair,
    with Mister Johnny Mathis, and Sonny and Cher.
    Peter: But now we get Justin Timber-homo.
    Louis: A heartache all gone awry!
    Brian: The classic films were works of arts,
    the images were graceful, the stories were smart.
    Stewie: But now we get Matrix Revolution,
    Im sorry I know this doesnt rhyme,
    but what the hell were you Wachowski Brothers thinking?!
    Chorus: Lucky theres a family guy, lucky theres a fella,
    sweeter than vanilla, wholesome as a piece of-
    Stewie: Apple Pie!
    Chorus: He's a family guy!

    Lois: His smiles a simple delight.
    Chris: He lets me see the boobies on the internet sites.
    Lois: Peter!
    Meg: He bought me my cute little hat.
    Brian: Yeah we should have a talk about that.
    Chorus: About that! And his hat!

    Brian: He's mastered the comedy arts.
    Stewie: He says, "Look out, Hiroshima!" then casually farts.
    (fart sound effect)
    Lois: He's loaded with sexy appeal.
    Peter: And best of all my titties are real. Have a feel!
    Brian: No thank you.
    Stewie: I gave it the office.
    Lois: The Brady Bunch has got their Mike and
    pretty Laura Petrie has Dicky Van Dyke.
    But who around here could fill those loafers?
    Chorus: But here's a happy reply. Lucky there's a family guy.
    Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the thing that make us-
    Stewie: Laugh and Cry!
    Chorus: He's a Family Guy! He's a Family Guy!!!

    Lois: Oh My! Thank you very much! What a welcome.
    Peter: I am gunna buy each and every one of you a beer after the show.
    Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm kidding for Christs sake, I'm not serious.
    Thats expensive! Look, just the fact that I came up with the idea
    should tell you I'm generous;
    I shouldnt actually have to spend any money.
    Meg: Uh, can we turn the spotlight down a bit?
    Brian: Yeah, it is a little bright.
    Stewie: You know Brian, I- I just noticed something.
    With that light shining on you from that angle,
    you look a lot like Jamie Farr.
    Brian: Yeah, you've told me that before and uh,
    it's interesting, because I' thinking you look a lot like Britney Spears.
    Stewie: Really?! How so?
    Brian: Well, you- you got that thing going on with your eyes
    like Britney does. You know where...
    You know how her eyes are just like a hair too far apart?
    Uh, a- a- almost like there was some immediate post-birth
    surgery that should have been done but it was the south,
    so they didn't have the medical technology.
    Stewie: Oh, I see.
    Chris: Mom!
    Lois: Yes honey?
    Chris: I have a wedgie.
    Lois: Chris, honey, wait until the intermission. Then you can fix it.
    Peter: Well, we got a lot of fun stuff lined up here tonight.
    We got music, we got comedy,
    we got behind the scenes crap from the show.
    Lois: Thats right! For example, not a lot of people know this,
    but in one episode of the show there was a flashback of Brian
    when he was a puppy. Now, they couldnt find a puppy
    who looked enough like him,
    so they actually built a dog suit for the scene,
    and the actor of inside the suit was Raven-Symon,
    who was Olivia on the Cosby show.
    Brian: Fascinating bit of trivia.
    Peter: All right, okay, I got one for ya.
    You know the sound stage where we shoot Family Guy
    is the same stage where they shot the Golden Girls
    back in the 80s, right?
    Now one of the stage hands was telling me a- a pretty intense story.
    I guess there was one night when they were all ready to shoot,
    and uh, the audience was waiting. And uh, nobody could find Bea Arthur.
    So everybodys freaking out and uh, then one of the producers runs in
    and says "Cancel the show tonight. Bea Arthurs in jail!
    Lois: Oh My God!
    Peter: Yeah. Apparently she had a little too much to drink
    before the show and uh, they found her standing on the street corner,
    exposing her penis to traffic.
    Brian: Oh My God!
    Meg: Ew! Thats Disgusting!
    Peter: Can you believe that?
    Brian: Wait a minute. How the hell can Bea Arthur have a penis?
    Peter: Eh, special permit.
    Stewie: I say, what is it with these actors?
    They're perfectly normal people in civilian life
    and then they come out to Hollywood and just go fucking berserk.
    Brian: You gotta watch your language, kid.
    Stewie: Oh, its a record album for Gods sake.
    Lets cut loose a bit.
    Chris: Nipples! Hehe.
    Stewie: Perfect example.
    Although I must say I am amazed at the language you can get away with
    on television these days. I- I was watching Law and Order the other night
    and I swear to god, I heard someone use the word balls.
    And I thought to myself, "My God, that- that Dick Wolf just does
    whatever he damn well pleases, doesnt he?
    Bringing words like balls into Americas living rooms.
    I wonder how he'd like it if I just walked into his living room
    and use the word balls.
    Brian: Uh... I think that would be breaking an entering.
    Lois: You know,
    I am so glad they allowed us to bring Stewie this evening.
    The last show we did we had to leave him at home.
    They did'nt allow babies in the theater.
    Brian: Well of course. People wanted to be able to enjoy the show
    Stewie: I am a show you lack-witted beetle head! Ugh!
    Oh what a night that was. My babysitter was a total bitch.
    Lois: Stewie! Thats very rude.
    Especially since your babysitter is here tonight.
    Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Hailey Duff.
    Hailey Duff: Hi Mr. and Mrs. Griffin
    Peter: How are ya, sweetheart?
    Lois: So was it really that bad babysitting Stewie?
    Hailey Duff: You want the truth? Well, okay.
    So after you and Peter left for dinner,
    I- No. Wait a minute. Lets tell this story right.

    Chorus please.
    • submitted by scarlett1234 on October 16th, 2004
    • corrected by Zach on January 6th, 2014

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    • LetsSingIt (26)
    •  guest says:
      pop out
       Petroviic says:
      Like 027-12-2007 22:09
      Love Family Guy and the song
       dark_me says:
      Like 012-09-2006 23:48
      this show is so funny.The spanish version of the song is much better...
       inapia says:
      Like 012-09-2006 19:57
      family guy ruuules!! it's so friking funny!!!
       veenzie_cool says:
      Like 018-01-2006 00:20
      i love this it's so funny
       ashie_19_91 says:
      Like 018-01-2006 00:18
      omg, Family Guy is soo cool!
       Contenta says:
      Like 016-01-2006 00:36
      This is the best song of Family Guy!

      There's a part of the spanish version:

      Lois: Parece que hoy
      Todo lo que ves
      Es sexo en la tele y violencia en el cine

      Peter: ¿Dónde quedaron los buenos valores?

      Todos: Y los que queriamooooooooos!

      Padre de familia es un buen ejemplo
      bla bla bla bla bla bla bla

      Familiaaa! lol
       oceanangel says:
      Like 015-12-2005 05:30
      family guy rox! I love it! Brian is the best.
       Kimmmm says:
      Like 001-11-2005 21:40
      I HATE THE THEME SONG SOOOOO MUCH.....but i LOVE the show...they need to make a better theme song!
       kians_angel says:
      Like 030-10-2005 08:32
      i love family guy! the theme song gets to me after a while when im watching the dvd though, you have to listen to it before every episode starts and its always the same! cant they make a variation of it?

      But family guy rocks!!
       bec_77 says:
      Like 030-10-2005 08:14
      hahahahahahahaha ohhhhhhhhhhh what a show!
      show more (11-21 of 26)