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Family Guy
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Family Guy - Theme Song Lyrics

Song details
TitleTheme Song
ArtistFamily Guy
AlbumLive in Vegas [2005], Track 2
Rank56 (+9) history »
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Song lyrics
Louis: It seems today, that all you see is violence in movies,
and sex on T.V.
Peter: But where are those good old-fashioned values,
on which we used to rely?
Brian: It used to be, a big time star was elegant as Garbo,
or Hedy Lamarr.
Stewie: But now we get whores like Jenny Lopez,
you want to curl up and die.
Chorus: Lucky theres a Family Guy.
Lucky theres a man who positively can do
all the things that make us-
Stewie: Laugh and cry!

Chorus: He's a Family Guy!

Louis: When I was young, the songs were fair,
with Mister Johnny Mathis, and Sonny and Cher.
Peter: But now we get Justin Timber-homo.
Louis: A heartache all gone awry!
Brian: The classic films were works of arts,
the images were graceful, the stories were smart.
Stewie: But now we get Matrix Revolution,
Im sorry I know this doesnt rhyme,
but what the hell were you Wachowski Brothers thinking?!
Chorus: Lucky theres a family guy, lucky theres a fella,
sweeter than vanilla, wholesome as a piece of-
Stewie: Apple Pie!
Chorus: He's a family guy!

Lois: His smiles a simple delight.
Chris: He lets me see the boobies on the internet sites.
Lois: Peter!
Meg: He bought me my cute little hat.
Brian: Yeah we should have a talk about that.
Chorus: About that! And his hat!

Brian: He's mastered the comedy arts.
Stewie: He says, "Look out, Hiroshima!" then casually farts.
(fart sound effect)
Lois: He's loaded with sexy appeal.
Peter: And best of all my titties are real. Have a feel!
Brian: No thank you.
Stewie: I gave it the office.
Lois: The Brady Bunch has got their Mike and
pretty Laura Petrie has Dicky Van Dyke.
But who around here could fill those loafers?
Chorus: But here's a happy reply. Lucky there's a family guy.
Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the thing that make us-
Stewie: Laugh and Cry!
Chorus: He's a Family Guy! He's a Family Guy!!!

Lois: Oh My! Thank you very much! What a welcome.
Peter: I am gunna buy each and every one of you a beer after the show.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm kidding for Christs sake, I'm not serious.
Thats expensive! Look, just the fact that I came up with the idea
should tell you I'm generous;
I shouldnt actually have to spend any money.
Meg: Uh, can we turn the spotlight down a bit?
Brian: Yeah, it is a little bright.
Stewie: You know Brian, I- I just noticed something.
With that light shining on you from that angle,
you look a lot like Jamie Farr.
Brian: Yeah, you've told me that before and uh,
it's interesting, because I' thinking you look a lot like Britney Spears.
Stewie: Really?! How so?
Brian: Well, you- you got that thing going on with your eyes
like Britney does. You know where...
You know how her eyes are just like a hair too far apart?
Uh, a- a- almost like there was some immediate post-birth
surgery that should have been done but it was the south,
so they didn't have the medical technology.
Stewie: Oh, I see.
Chris: Mom!
Lois: Yes honey?
Chris: I have a wedgie.
Lois: Chris, honey, wait until the intermission. Then you can fix it.
Peter: Well, we got a lot of fun stuff lined up here tonight.
We got music, we got comedy,
we got behind the scenes crap from the show.
Lois: Thats right! For example, not a lot of people know this,
but in one episode of the show there was a flashback of Brian
when he was a puppy. Now, they couldnt find a puppy
who looked enough like him,
so they actually built a dog suit for the scene,
and the actor of inside the suit was Raven-Symon,
who was Olivia on the Cosby show.
Brian: Fascinating bit of trivia.
Peter: All right, okay, I got one for ya.
You know the sound stage where we shoot Family Guy
is the same stage where they shot the Golden Girls
back in the 80s, right?
Now one of the stage hands was telling me a- a pretty intense story.
I guess there was one night when they were all ready to shoot,
and uh, the audience was waiting. And uh, nobody could find Bea Arthur.
So everybodys freaking out and uh, then one of the producers runs in
and says "Cancel the show tonight. Bea Arthurs in jail!
Lois: Oh My God!
Peter: Yeah. Apparently she had a little too much to drink
before the show and uh, they found her standing on the street corner,
exposing her penis to traffic.
Brian: Oh My God!
Meg: Ew! Thats Disgusting!
Peter: Can you believe that?
Brian: Wait a minute. How the hell can Bea Arthur have a penis?
Peter: Eh, special permit.
Stewie: I say, what is it with these actors?
They're perfectly normal people in civilian life
and then they come out to Hollywood and just go fucking berserk.
Brian: You gotta watch your language, kid.
Stewie: Oh, its a record album for Gods sake.
Lets cut loose a bit.
Chris: Nipples! Hehe.
Stewie: Perfect example.
Although I must say I am amazed at the language you can get away with
on television these days. I- I was watching Law and Order the other night
and I swear to god, I heard someone use the word balls.
And I thought to myself, "My God, that- that Dick Wolf just does
whatever he damn well pleases, doesnt he?
Bringing words like balls into Americas living rooms.
I wonder how he'd like it if I just walked into his living room
and use the word balls.
Brian: Uh... I think that would be breaking an entering.
Lois: You know,
I am so glad they allowed us to bring Stewie this evening.
The last show we did we had to leave him at home.
They did'nt allow babies in the theater.
Brian: Well of course. People wanted to be able to enjoy the show
Stewie: I am a show you lack-witted beetle head! Ugh!
Oh what a night that was. My babysitter was a total bitch.
Lois: Stewie! Thats very rude.
Especially since your babysitter is here tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Hailey Duff.
Hailey Duff: Hi Mr. and Mrs. Griffin
Peter: How are ya, sweetheart?
Lois: So was it really that bad babysitting Stewie?
Hailey Duff: You want the truth? Well, okay.
So after you and Peter left for dinner,
I- No. Wait a minute. Lets tell this story right.

Chorus please.
submitted by scarlett1234 on October 16th, 2004
corrected by Zach on January 6th, 2014

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0 likes - like | 27-12-2007 22:09 Petroviic 
2,517 posts
Love Family Guy and the song
0 likes - like | 12-09-2006 23:48 dark_me 
2,288 posts
this show is so funny.The spanish version of the song is much better...
0 likes - like | 12-09-2006 19:57 inapia 
55 posts
family guy ruuules!! it's so friking funny!!!
0 likes - like | 18-01-2006 00:20 veenzie_cool 
2,536 posts
i love this it's so funny
0 likes - like | 18-01-2006 00:18 ashie_19_91 
63 posts
omg, Family Guy is soo cool!
0 likes - like | 16-01-2006 00:36 Contenta 
2,548 posts
This is the best song of Family Guy!

There's a part of the spanish version:

Lois: Parece que hoy
Todo lo que ves
Es sexo en la tele y violencia en el cine

Peter: ¿Dónde quedaron los buenos valores?

Todos: Y los que queriamooooooooos!

Padre de familia es un buen ejemplo
bla bla bla bla bla bla bla

Familiaaa! lol
0 likes - like | 15-12-2005 05:30 oceanangel 
29 posts
family guy rox! I love it! Brian is the best.
0 likes - like | 01-11-2005 21:40 Kimmmm 
206 posts
I HATE THE THEME SONG SOOOOO MUCH.....but i LOVE the show...they need to make a better theme song!
0 likes - like | 30-10-2005 08:32 kians_angel 
6,064 posts
i love family guy! the theme song gets to me after a while when im watching the dvd though, you have to listen to it before every episode starts and its always the same! cant they make a variation of it?

But family guy rocks!!
0 likes - like | 30-10-2005 08:14 bec_77 
54 posts
hahahahahahahaha ohhhhhhhhhhh what a show!
0 likes - like | 22-09-2005 04:02 Mamphy 
289 posts
I totally agree w/ masterdebator33, pippin u suck, who doesn't like Family guy who is cool???? Anyway, yes Stuey DOES say laugh and cry, not effin cry. I thought it was effin cry b4 but listen closely.....
Family guys da bomb!!!
0 likes - like | 19-08-2005 17:03 Jfizzle38 
1,602 posts
lol wow #227...
0 likes - like | 06-08-2005 22:34 Blink_182_ 
39 posts
best show in the world!!1
0 likes - like | 27-07-2005 12:50 IanaI 
70 posts
Actually, it's "laugh and cry". They re-recorded the theme song later on in the show because it sounded like Stewie said "Effin' cry". You can probably still hear Stewie saying that in the earlier episodes.
0 likes - like | 18-07-2005 17:17 ash_ketchum 
110 posts
Go Peter Griffin! O.o -luvs family guy- PETER IS IN THE CHARACTER OF THE WEEK! ~ *on mt. Rushmore* Lois: wow he fell right off the cliff! Peter: of course know christians don't believe in gravity! ~
0 likes - like | 11-07-2005 21:42 CandyGirl020 
1,499 posts
i love this show, stewie is my favorite! i love the theme song too!
0 likes - like | 11-07-2005 21:41 6Dollie6 
17,554 posts
family guy rocks
0 likes - like | 11-07-2005 21:40 dudekrulz 
3,618 posts
Family Guy is awesome
0 likes - like | 11-07-2005 21:39 muzic_freak 
259 posts
Family Guy is so friggin' funny! Gotta love the randomness of it!
0 likes - like | 11-07-2005 21:38 McBob79 
1 posts
Actually the Stewie doesn't say laugh and cry in the theme, he says effin' cry!
It's not that hard to mix up just pointing it out,....
0 likes - like | 07-07-2005 11:21 allpenguin13 
129 posts
i love this song, and show. apparently they released an album, and stewie has a music video. that's so cool!! not even the simpson's have that. they've been around for a long time.
0 likes - like | 31-05-2005 23:16 goinkool 
27 posts
I have to admit.. Family Guy is inapporiate sumtimes but overall IT IS SO DAMN FUNNY!! luv it espeically the song, " Can't touch me"
0 likes - like | 29-01-2005 03:20 masterdebator33 
5 posts
Pippin247 is a slipperty son of a bitch, who likes to get rotor rooted, how can you not like this show?

someone obviously doesnt have a life, loser
0 likes - like | 29-01-2005 02:25 Pippin247 
2,783 posts
i hate this show...and its theme song.
family guy
0 likes - like | 29-01-2005 01:47 jessicaty 
18 posts
family guy rrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk