Weird Al Yankovic - Amish Paradise Lyrics

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As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain 
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain 
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me 
You know I shun fancy things like electricity 
At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milkin' cows 
Jebadiah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool 
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long 
That even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone 
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline 
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin 
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine 
Then tonight were gonna party like it's 1699 

We been spendin' most our lives 
Livin' in an Amish paradise 
I churned butter once or twice 
Livin' in an Amish paradise 
It's hard work and sacrifice 
Livin' in an Amish paradise 
We sell quilts at discount drives ****
Living' in an Amish paradise 

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week 
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek 
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well 
Cause I'll be laughin' my head off when he's burnin' in Hell 
But I never punched a tourist even if he deserved it 
An Amish with a 'tude? You know thats unheard of 
I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat 
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool 
If you come to visit you'll be bored to tears 
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years 
But we ain't really quaint so please don't point and stare 
We're just technologically impaired 

Theres no phones, no lights, no motor cars 
Not a single luxury 
Like Robinson and Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be 

We been spendin' most our lives 
Livin' in an Amish paradise 
Were just plain and simple guys 
Livin' in an Amish paradise 
There's no time for sin and vice 
Livin' in an Amish paradise 
We don't fight we all play nice 
Livin' in an Amish paradise 

Hichin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter 
Raise a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise an udder 
Think your really righteous, think your pure at heart? 
Well I know, I'm a million times as humble as thou art 
I'm the pious guy, the little omlettes wanna be like 
On my knees day and night, scorin' points for the after life 
So don't be vain, and don't be whiney 
Or else my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie 

We been spendin' most our lives 
Livin' in an Amish paradise 
We're all crazy Menonites 
Livin' in an Amish paradise 
There's no cops or traffic lights 
Livin' in an Amish paradise 
But you'd probably think it bites 
Livin' in an Amish paradise

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lyrics submitted by Herbie Gombert
lyrics corrected by terri on 30-08-2009